Creative Tension
..and the subtle art of healing in the midst of systems change.
When I started the substack, my vision was to write daily. To slow drip a book I’ve been birthing for ten years (while I wait for it to be published) and build a community of care around healing, leadership, growth, public education and practice.
The current reality (as mentioned in the “about” section) is that I am a sitting public school superintendent on the precipice of opening another school year, while getting my own children through the summer, managing personal and professional commitments and attempting to fain a “summer vacation”.
Somewhere in between my highest hopes and life as I live it presently, is what Peter Senge calls Creative Tension.
Described as the constructive tension that arises from the gap between the desired state and the current reality, creative tension is not a problem to be solved so much as it is a phenomenon to be aware of. In my experience it is indeed a healthy companion to healing, improvement, radical change, and joyful organizing.
The beginning of August is back to school season (see previous posts) and with it comes district/team leadership development week. For many district leaders, we thoughtfully plan to bring our leaders back, hype them up and pour into the adults that serve the children. This past week I made a note about how I plan for this week and personally enjoy delivering “PD” to my team. It is a privilege to hold space for their learning. Where we are strategically, culturally and in our shared vision; it was time to run the Senge frame back to the team. I’ve facilitated adult learning all over the country for the past ten years. I have used that frame in school/organizational improvement work often. It is a way to prime the schema for subsequent knowledge and shared meaning making work.
And yet. It feels really yucky.
Creative tension now has a name. But it didn’t always. The best example of this gap can be learned from justice organizers of the past. Baker, Hamer, King, Charmichal, and many many more understood that liberation was (and is) always the vision for the human condition. And yet, when they spoke of this vision there is inevitably people who say, that is not how I experience this country. That is not what I see from my perspective. Why do you speak of freedom, aren’t you free? The strategic response to this refrain is to be very clear about the current reality. Organizing tactics did and still do focus on making the unseen seen. There is a reason one popular tactic is called “demonstrating”. It is imperative when reaching toward a vision; you are exceptionally clear on the current reality and or get as close to understanding it as possible. In the case of justice leaders- organizing around multiple data points, both tangible and academic. Dr. King most notably required every demonstration to be recorded, filmed, documented and shared to the farthest reaches of the globe so others could see what was happening here in America. Even if it was hard to see.
Creative tension is just that. It is uncomfortable. No matter how it shows up; the tension created is productive and is the starting ground for healing work. The temptation, in my many years of leading adults through this frame, is often to soften the current reality. “Well, the data isn’t that bad.” Or, “..this is actually why we have those outcomes.” It is indeed alluring to hold the vision high and obfuscate the current reality to relieve that tension. On the other hand, I often hear, “That is really ambitious. What if we just reach for x percent achievement/reduction in x/ x growth/improvement—instead of….”, which is equally desired when confronted with the gap. This discomfort is the only way we heal and grow to be candid. We cannot reduce the vision or ignore the current reality. So, how do we build community around this unwelcomed healing bedfellow?
Grace and grief.
As a plant lover, it is always my hope that my plants are vibrant, green, luscious, growing and healthy. The vision. The reality is that they at times are dusty (shh-I get busy!), have some yellow or brown spots, have dying leaves, and that they do, at times…have to be pruned. The tension between my hopes and how my tending habits actually show up- keep me second guessing my skills. But, when I get down on myself, I have learned to have grace. Grace is not excusing poor practices or ignoring that my plants are literally dying because of my lack of care.
Grace is the unequivocal permission to slow down, suspend judgement, reflect, realign and get clear on my best next step. Grace says, “the tension you feel is healthy and it’s okay to hold both your vision and your day to day verity”.
I also give myself space to grieve.
I greive the loss of my expectations. Not the vision. But it is hard to come home and see a leaf on the ground.
Just gone on to glory.
Done with the world and me.
In that instance, I typically just shake my head, pick it up, take a deep sigh and say, “dang..another one bites the dust.” With plants I can be a bit more humourous- but when I feel this type of defeat professionally, it hits me deeply. As a leader, there is the professional urge to ‘fix’ it;to jump to problem solving, stand up a task force and move swiftly and decisively toward the vision (or at least change the current reality-those are not the same thing btw).
What I offer you, and myself now is to surrender to grief.
Hold that, what you thought; ain’t that.
Or said with less, colloquialism, it’s okay to grieve that your current reality doesn’t match your expectations. There is a small daily dying that happens when hopes big or small are dashed. The purpose of giving yourself space to call it “grief” is that we know that feeling well. We know what it feels like to lose someone or something. What feels less clear is what it means to gain an awareness of truth that doesn’t quite align with the story we are holding in our minds. And that feeling; that gaining / not loss- is a type of grief too.
If creative tension is the gap between vision and reality; grace and grief are the bridge.
When I had my first child. (Shout out to moms of teenagers…whew). I had severe post-partum depression. At the time, my therapist asked me what was troubling me the most. I said, “ I feel so guilty- I love my baby and she’s amazing. But I miss something and I don’t know what.” She said- “oh…that’s grief. You are grieving your expectations.”
There is indeed a subtle art to holding space for vision, hope, healing and the current reality.
I have found that both grace and grief are wells that never run dry. Normally, most people don’t want to experience grief as we have come to define it; and it grants a sweet reprieve to the unrelenting weight we experience in leading toward a vision while managing the truth in the day to day. In part because you have to see the truth. You have to study it. You must lean into the discomfort and sit in it until you are indeed restored and inspired.
Creative tension has been bouncing around my brain for the past few days. How I hold it, how I make space for others to hold it and what I do with it next.
Even in this moment, I can’t think of a pretty way to wrap this up so I’ll just say this: Grace and grieving have provided me the breathing room needed to idle in this tension without closing my eyes or compromising the vision. It is the gift I give to leaders who are committed to systems change but don’t quite know how to reconcile what is with what can be. I hope you accept this gift and give yourself the space to breath, grieve, and grow…with grace.
Be well.
